My Writings
Welcome to My World
As far as I'm concerned, life is not really about big, grandiose storylines. Life is about Skittles and Dr. Pepper. No really, it is. Skittles, Dr. Pepper, and warm Beagle breath… And being unable to roll up a hose… And not knowing what to do when a child throws up, besides smacking it… And putting socks on your hands and hitting your little brother in the head. Life is in the details, especially the stupid details.
Some people are connoisseurs of fine wine. I am a connoisseur of stupidity. I love stupidity. And I love its little brother mediocrity. And that's what my series of You Had Me At Idiot books are all about. They're simply about the things that are wrong with life.
Why should you read these books? Because you want and need to laugh. And deep down you know that you're an idiot just like me.
I'm also a stand-up comedian who has performed in comedy clubs, theaters, and various crap holes all over the place. I've performed a one-hour comedy show on television called Bananas. I've also written a book for new comedians called Stand-Up Comedy Virgins, not to tell them how to be funny, but rather just to let them know what they're getting themselves into, such as drunk, stupid audiences and abject poverty.
And finally, I invented marshmallows.
Latest Works
You Had Me At Idiot, Volume 2 This is the second volume of the series and will be available later this summer. It includes essays such as "Code Blue at 30,000 Feet," "The Day I Almost Killed the Kid on the Cliff," "Christmas Bikes and Love Juice," and "The Ugliest Group of People in the World."
You Had Me At Idiot, Volume 1 This is the first volume of the series and includes essays such as "Sock Boxing with Ted," "My Mortal Enemy What's-His-Face," and "How Not to Clean the Bathroom Good."
Recent Writings
Here is what I've been writing about lately:
"Mullet Collage"
"Willard Sightings"
"The Turd Gene"
"Princess Linda"
"For Your Viewing Pleasure"
Chat with ME Live
If I were into chatting with people, you'd actually be able to use this thing to talk to me. But since I don't like to chat with anybody, I guess you'll have to find someone else. Say, how do you feel about chatting with Charles Manson instead?
